Love Is Fucking Stupid (And I Hate You) By Fall Out Boy
by deluxie
Summary: In which Dave is a vampire, has to transfer to a British secondary school, and is overall a huge bi mess. (No Sburb AU, partly occult au but mostly focusing on the Strider kids (very mild jaderose to start with dont fight me))


([A/N] This is a rewrite of my old, slightly shitty fic titled 'In His Eyes'. For context, none of the beta kids met, the Strilondes live in America and most of the other characters live in England. All of the characters are currently 14/15 and in the equivalent of starting year 10. Please enjoy! :])

Of all the things Dave could have been doing during this abysmal mid-September day, he did not expect being forced to drive illegally in a (probably) previously stolen car, and all the way to some obscure island no less. Of course, Bro being _Bro_ , this ended up becoming completely inevitable.

It's not necessarily that Dave wasn't used to traveling around, especially during the daytime when there wasn't business to be done. It had simply never occurred to him that Bro would genuinely be willing to send him thousands of miles away from his home, without even electing to accompany him. Allegedly, Bro wanted him to be more free than he would be back home - he would finally be able to live a 'normal life'. That was, however, nothing that Dave had ever been entitled to.

Ever since he had been born, Bro had always gone to great lengths to make sure they remained undetected. Dave's very existence was, by definition, not authorized by the State, courtesy of Bro's refusal to let him get a mandatory Occult Identity Card (OUI, for short). Allegedly, Bro believed that it was simply a way of tracking creatures humans believed were a 'threat', and since Dave was also technically a mutant variety, that made him all the more viable to be killed.

However, in his heart of hearts Dave knew that ending up in a car carrier that was extremely humid and overall unfit for human habitation was never really because Bro ever wanted to give giving his adoptive son a good life. By the time Bro had told him 'By the way, you'll be staying at my Ex's,' he already knew that Bro simply wanted to get the leech called Dave off his back and finally settle down in one place. Finally, Bro would be able to settle down in one place and not worry about people coming to attack them. This wasn't unexpected in the slightest, however; Bro hadn't been exactly the most caring guardian, not even when Dirk was still living with them.

The very reminder of the puppet hell that he was forced to endure forced Dave to ignore his lamentations, and he began trying to focus on his surroundings instead of remaining in this brooding state. A large, blaring horn was sounding repeatedly, and the setting early evening sun was just barely beginning to glare through the window, burning little holes in Dave's skin. He cursed to himself and began pulling down the black window blinds, slowly making his way off the carrier and onto the strange island.

While he drove around trying to find a suitable space to park, the thing that immediately caught his attention was the sheer amount of vegetation and wildlife that could be seen all over the island. The plants weren't just ones native to a cooler environment, either; it was clear that this island usually received quite a lot of sunlight, as it was littered with more exotic plants such as plantains and eucalyptus trees. However, the features that truly stood out the most to Dave were the absolutely massive buildings that towered over everything in the island, no matter how tall - the entirely white building with a tall spire, which had a strange round structure on the tip, and some very worn looking ruins with (to Dave's amazement) a frog statue resting on the top. Assuming that the white building was Jade's residence, he began driving towards it, his AC still completely failing to remove the humidity from the car.

Eventually, Dave decided to park somewhere close enough for him to be seen, but not quite close enough to seem foreboding and professional. The uneven ground had been very difficult to drive through, and since nobody would have been able to drive around the massive island anyway, his car frequently hit rocks, further bringing the car into absolute disrepair. Nonetheless, he had finally arrived at his destination. Dave paused the CD that had been playing throughout his journey, and turned the car off. Leaning back in the worn front seat, he let out a sigh and finally got out of the car.

Dave knocked on the supposed front door of the establishment, but to his surprise nobody answered. A very faint shout of 'I'm coming!' could be heard 10 seconds later, and the pattering of hasty footsteps followed by a face answering the door ensued. A young girl (probably about Dave's age, he figured), with massive dark curls trailing down her back, answered the door, seemingly rather tired from running down a massive flight of stairs. She gave him a surprised and slightly bemused look, and waved, hyperventilating a little.

"Who the heck are you? You..." she took in another breath, "you should know that Grandpa doesn't like visitors." The girl still had the door held half open, half closed, as if she was ready to deny Dave admittance at any moment. Although it was a slightly cloudy day, the sun still affected Dave badly, so he was itching to get in.

"I'm Dave. Dave Strider," he adjusted his sunglasses and attempted a smirk, "and I'm here 'cause Bro sent me here." The girl paused, trying to take this in, and smiled almost as if she found this endearing. This was the opposite of what Dave was going for. Abort, Dave, abort.

"Oh, um, right! Grandpa was talking about some Strider yesterday. I didn't get the details, but he's probably waiting for you, right?" the girl said, opening the door.  
"Totally." Dave responded with enough conviction to win an acting prize. The girl nodded, and invited Dave in.

"Make yourself at home. Grandpa's gonna be back soon, so you'll be able to talk about it more when he gets here. I'm Jade, by the way." she said, wandering inside and sitting herself down on a surprisingly elegant sofa. The living room (if you could even place the room in normal terms) was rather complicated in general; there were several globes littered randomly around the room, giving the impression that. Several paintings were hung up on the walls, along with a strange portrait of the girl, albeit younger and in a strange yellow dress. Dave wandered slightly closer to inspect it - however, Jade quickly came between him and the painting, bringing him back into the centre of the room. "Do you want anything? Coffee? Tea? Grandpa's got a pretty big variety of blends, he gets them straight from-"

"I'm good, thanks." Dave said, cutting Jade off. It was complicated for him to drink or eat anything human, to say the least.

"Oh, um... alright then!" Jade replied with slight confusion, sitting back down again and gesturing for Dave to do the same. He sat down by the girl, idly taking in more of the surroundings while he waited. Notably, there were several life-sized dolls laying about, as if they had only just been moved. Dave took a moment to process that this old man just randomly had life-sized mummy dolls lying around the house, and then brought it up. "So, what's up with the dolls?"

"Those? Well..." she scratched the back of her head, a little embarrassed, "Grandpa keeps them around. I don't wanna mess with his stuff, I guess it keeps him busy when he's not traveling. This isn't even the best part of the house!" She smiled enthusiastically.

"Doubt much can top this fucking orgy of globes you've got here. The flat earth society is quaking." Dave quipped, leaning back into the sofa.

"C'mon, I'll show- you..." Jade requested, before giving up once several rapid knocks sounded on the wooden door. She stood up immediately, and opened the door, seemingly equally sunny as she was before. "Hi, Grandpa!"

Grandpa (as Jade was insistent on calling him) was a fairly tall man with a flick of white hair and a rather impressive and immaculate mustache. If he had the right hat, you could almost put him on a poster as being the 'traditional Brit'. He greeted his granddaughter with a great grin on his face, his overbite showing his buck teeth, and then paused, looking Dave over. Though his body language suggested warm and welcoming, his apprehensive gaze told otherwise.

"Who might this young fellow be, hm?" the man said, giving Jade a teasing nudge.

"God, Grandpa, you're such a pain!" she grumbled, before sighing and introducing the two.  
"Grandpa, this is Dave," Grandpa giving her a wary look before she continued, "Dave Strider, the one you were talking about earlier? Dave, this is Grandpa English."

"A Strider, eh? God, that young man used to be quite troublesome back in the day. I heard he's finally settled down in the States, right?" he said quite jovially, shaking Dave's hand. Dave nodded somewhat reluctantly, a little afraid of this family's happy attitude. He'd never met such a lively family in the whole of his un-life.

"You're a quiet one." Grandpa English observed, stroking his mustache thoughtfully. "Care to explain how you've ended up in our fine establishment?"

"I, uh..." Dave cleared his throat, trying to keep his cool. "Bro sent me here. He said you were gonna give me someplace to stay. I'm transferring to your grandkid's highschool or whatever the fuck it's called."

"Oh my god!" Jade interjected before anyone could react "I'm actually gonna get a real room-mate! Please, Grandpa, let him stay!" she pleaded, tugging on the sleeves of the old man.

"No." he stated, though it seemed more like a command. Jade pouted, sighing and sitting back down. Dave didn't even need to bother making his own case; a complete stranger was doing it for him.

"Dude, I don't have anywhere else to stay." Dave sighed, looking back at Grandpa English in a 'you-know-what-he's-like' way. Still, his steel resolve did not fall. Finally admitting defeat, Dave sat down next to Jade. He was already concocting a series of elaborate plans in his head - he would probably have to sleep in a hotel for the night, though judging by the location of the town, he probably wouldn't be able to afford it. Bro hadn't exactly given him much money to get going, as he probably expected him to make his own. Ever the caring guardian, eh?

Ignoring his ruminations, Dave took a moment to look over at Jade, who seemed to be in equally deep thought. He watched her as her facial expressions varied from ideas to disappointment, her buck teeth just barely showing whenever she opened her mouth. Truthfully, Dave found it endearing, and even kind of cute. _Hold on a moment, Dave,_ he thought, _this is Bro's ex's grandkid we're talking about._ He shook his head, trying to remove the thoughts from his head, but it only made matters worse.

However, making matters even worse was when Jade grabbed his wrist and pulled him up, a look of pure determination across her freckled face. "If you're going to be dumb about it, then I'll just have to show him our secret!" Jade exclaimed, almost shouting. She began running out of the room and then outside, Dave in tow, completely ignoring her grandfather's wasted protests. Before they got too far outside, he gave Jade an insistent kick, immediately trying to subtly wander back into the shade. Though the sun was setting, it could still harm him. She gave him a confused look, trying to bring him back, but he stayed put.

"Jade. Forgot to tell you, but I've got a pretty nasty skin condition, I'm not meant to go out in the sun; makes all my skin go red and flake off, y'see." he said. You know, like a liar.

"Aw, jeez... sorry, I didn't know." she said, looking a little worried. "What's it called?"

"I..." _Fuuuuuuck._ Usually, people left him alone with the first statement. He bit his lip, and lied once more: "Ligma."

"Oh," she said, completely buying it, "That sounds like it must be pretty tough." she sighed, joining him in the shade. "But, I've got something that'll cheer you up! It'll make Grandpa let you stay for at least one night, too!" she said, beaming. Taking a whistle tied around her wrist, she put it to her lips and made a loud _PHTWEEEEEET_ , startling Dave beyond belief. Of all the things she could have done, she could have shown him something a little less noisy.

However, what came next was completely incomprehensible, at least to a normal person. After several vigorous flashes of green and white lightning, a white dog suddenly appeared. Just like that, with little to no surprise from any of the parties involved, not even Grandpa English (who had just arrived to inspect the scene). The only other surprising detail about the dog was its complete and utter lack of a face. Other than that, it was simply a fluffy and eager good boy as far as Dave was concerned.

"There! Now you have to let Dave stay now that he knows about Bec! Oh yeah, feel free to say hi!" she exclaimed triumphantly, placing her hands on her hips and smiling. Dave, however, was too preoccupied with this strange dog to notice the exchange starting to unfold between the girl and her grandfather. He reluctantly brought his hand to the location where Bec's nose should be, and the creature gave it a curious sniff. It judged its opinion for a few moments, before deciding that Dave is a friend and licking his hand briefly. In order to keep his sanitary hands, Dave began petting the dog's head, smiling once he was sure it wouldn't protest. He continued to pet the dog until he was sure that the familial dispute was nearly over.

"Strider." he heard, immediately making him shiver and straighten his back. He turned around to see Grandpa English, sighing and covering his glasses with his hand. "You can stay, but you're sleeping on the couch. It's probably going to be stormy judging by the air, so you really ought to stay inside."

"Neat." Dave said nonchalantly, trying his best to hide his gratitude. Holy shit. He could hardly believe that this slightly threateningly nice man would honestly let him stay, especially since he seemed so reluctant to do so in the first place. Jade gave him a friendly pat on the back, and began to lead him to his temporary room.

"So, you're probably super tired, right?" Jade asked, perching herself on the arm of the sofa while Dave nodded with indifference. "I bet you are. Did you really have to drive all the way from America? What part are you from? I've never really had an American friend, let alo-"

"Slow down, lady. I didn't drive all the way, the car's rented. I'm from Texas." Jade blinked, and Dave sighed. "Y'know, hell state."

"Oh, gotcha! Gee, I bet it's going to be super weird for you, having to adjust to a whole new country. Why did your brother send you here, anyway?" Jade queried innocently. Dave winced, shaking his head a little.

"You know how it is. He thought I'd get a better 'education' or some bullshit. Like he actually gives a shit." he complained, rolling his eyes.

"LANGUAGE!" Grandpa English shouted from down the hall, Jade sighing.

"What a pain - don't give your brother such a hard time, I'm sure he only wants the best for you." Jade reassured, patting him on the back gently. On reflex, Dave flinched, jerking back slightly. Luckily enough, a bell alarm began sounding, saving Dave from a more awkward conversation.

"Aw, crud. I totally forgot to water the plants today! I was so distracted with your whole situation, I forgot to change my reminders." Dave opened his mouth to question this, but she wriggled her fingers, showing her assortment of colourful wristbands. "Anyway, I've gotta go now. See you around, Dave!" she said, waving goodbye.

"Later." Dave responded as Jade rose from her seat.

"Oh, by the way..." Jade said, smirking a little, "Those glasses make you look like the biggest nerd." Before Dave could protest, she was practically skipping away, laughing to herself, leaving Dave completely alone with his thoughts for the rest of the night.


End file.
